I know that I am EXTREMELY blessed with what I have in my life. With the tornadoes in Oklahoma I can't even imagine having to pick through the pieces and start completely over. I have a roof over my head, air condition during the hottest part of the day, and the luxury of wireless internet. God has given me two healthy children, the talent to perform, and a husband that provides for my family.
I should be thankful for what I have, and I AM, but then this little thought pops in my head. "Sometimes I wish we had more money. I wish that I had a full-time job and that we had two incomes." GASP! Okay, I know it isn't the worst thing in the world, but I do wish it...a lot. Don't get me wrong, I'm thankful for the time that I get to spend with my boys. Yes, I know they grow up fast and I'll only have this moment for a brief time. (I only say that because that is 95% of the responses I get deal with those two remarks.) I love seeing how much they grow and change on a daily basis. But then the "wants" make there way in to the picture along with the "gimmes" and "what ifs" and topped off with a sprinkling of "needs."
"Oh, I want matching picture frames for all of our family photos. It will be an investment." ($30)
"Okay, we are not college students anymore. I think it is time to get a headboard for the bed. What if we went ahead and just got an entire bedroom suite so it would match." ($2,000+)
"We need to do something about these drawers. They aren't functional so maybe we should have new doors put up instead." ($400)
"Ummm...maybe we should just make them in to open shelves and put pretty baskets." (way less than $400)
"Oh, a walkway would be nice too for the front yard. And bunting, and an umbrella, and tear up the concrete to make a patio, and....." (+++)
"Darn it our lawn mower just died and we NEED to replace it." ($350)
"What if we had all of our student loans paid off AND we were able to create college funds for the kiddos." ($40,000, and then ???)
"We want to have a date night, so we need to get dinner for the kids, and ourselves, and then find baby sitter." (easily $50 and then the possibility of doing this several times for the summer...)
~~~~~~Please note that we didn't actually do these things on the list. Well, we did have to buy a new lawn mower, but everything else is just wishful thinking.
Ugh, it sounds so pathetic and selfish when it is all written out, but I can't help but think how different life would be with just one additional paycheck each month. A new (to us) car could be purchased to accommodate our family, we could make repairs on our home, not feeling guilty about going out for dinner and ruining the grocery budget. It is so hard NOT to feel bad about those little things. It is hard to want and then not want to "keep up with the Jones's."
Would life really be better if we had more money? No, it wouldn't...I know that. With the struggles that I have had trying to find a job (in my area of "expertise") in my community, it just hurts. I know that God wants our family's income to be exactly what it is at the moment, but I wish he would tell my heart and my brain that. I have a thick skull.
I also just need to be able to rein it in a bit. "No, I don't need matching picture frames. Yes, we do need that new lawn mower but we can sell the other one for parts (hopefully). We can just put up some shelves and I can do without the baskets. And, movie nights will just have to be at home with friends and the kids. Redbox + making dinner at home + the kids playing in the bedroom will have to do.